This Isn't a Phase

Three and half years ago, God began charting an ever changing course for me by placing me in a paid ministry position. Two years ago He decided to up the excitement by putting me in full time ministry. My life has literally never been the same. Countless changes in policy, staffing, buildings, etc. have taken place in a very short period of time. Changes that have constantly pushed me and prodded me towards God. They have forced me to depend on Him, and when I forget I need Him, another change is right around the corner to remind me. Now this all coincided with a number of changes in my life socially and personally. I used to think this was just a 'season.' Eventually things settle down, right? Or this is just part of being a 20-something, right? My 30's will be much calmer. Or, it's because I do full time ministry- that's it!

Well, maybe. Full time ministry is, by nature, wrought with change. God moves pastors around as He wills. A church that desires to please God grows and changes, doesn't it? But I'm thinking this is life. This is the typical life of Laura Brown or ___________ (whoever you are). God is not about letting things stay the same. There isn't any growth in that.

Unfortunately for me, I am adverse to change. I really like things to stay the same; at least as far as relationships are concerned. I give a lot of my heart to the people I love so inevitably I hurt when God deems it necessary to use them elsewhere. But there is growth in it. There is growth and dependence on God. Jesus Christ. My Great High Priest who identifies with my weaknesses and promises mercy and grace in my time of need. I'm not sure change will ever be something I look forward to, but Lord let me see the good in it, if You would! Give me a clearer understanding of how You use change to increase my dependence upon You. It is my desire to increase my dependence upon You. This isn't the way I'd choose. I'd very much prefer to snap my fingers and simultaneously keep all my friends AND love You perfectly. That's not the way You work. Help me to submit to that.