This is Plan A

Life often catches me by surprise. I'll be headed down what I think is a straight, clearly marked road and all of the sudden I'm blindsided. Life turns a sharp corner and I suddenly feel lost and directionless. It's during seasons like these that I cling to God's sovereignty. "This is the original plan. I'm not surprised by this," He tells me, "In fact, I knew it would be this way all along. Even from eternity past." That's when I can lean hard into Him; trusting Him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledge Him then He will make my path straight. There is immense comfort in that truth. God is here. He is involved. He is never caught by surprise. Praise You, Lord, for that truth! Thank you for letting peer into Your plan every once in a while so I can see how all of these "surprises" fit together to create a beautiful story.

This Isn't a Phase

Three and half years ago, God began charting an ever changing course for me by placing me in a paid ministry position. Two years ago He decided to up the excitement by putting me in full time ministry. My life has literally never been the same. Countless changes in policy, staffing, buildings, etc. have taken place in a very short period of time. Changes that have constantly pushed me and prodded me towards God. They have forced me to depend on Him, and when I forget I need Him, another change is right around the corner to remind me. Now this all coincided with a number of changes in my life socially and personally. I used to think this was just a 'season.' Eventually things settle down, right? Or this is just part of being a 20-something, right? My 30's will be much calmer. Or, it's because I do full time ministry- that's it!

Well, maybe. Full time ministry is, by nature, wrought with change. God moves pastors around as He wills. A church that desires to please God grows and changes, doesn't it? But I'm thinking this is life. This is the typical life of Laura Brown or ___________ (whoever you are). God is not about letting things stay the same. There isn't any growth in that.

Unfortunately for me, I am adverse to change. I really like things to stay the same; at least as far as relationships are concerned. I give a lot of my heart to the people I love so inevitably I hurt when God deems it necessary to use them elsewhere. But there is growth in it. There is growth and dependence on God. Jesus Christ. My Great High Priest who identifies with my weaknesses and promises mercy and grace in my time of need. I'm not sure change will ever be something I look forward to, but Lord let me see the good in it, if You would! Give me a clearer understanding of how You use change to increase my dependence upon You. It is my desire to increase my dependence upon You. This isn't the way I'd choose. I'd very much prefer to snap my fingers and simultaneously keep all my friends AND love You perfectly. That's not the way You work. Help me to submit to that.

Eternal Eyes

I get into so much trouble when I forget to think with an eternal focus. The circumstances in my life become overwhelming and I can't see past today. But when I remember that this life is a breath (really, just one!), then I am able to see just a little bit of what God sees. I feel so trapped by time. This life feels so long; deceivingly so. Oh, that you would give me your eternal eyes, Jesus! If life is so short here, there is much to be done. Life can't sit still. A good friend recently compared the change in our lives to water. To keep the water good and enjoyable it must be constantly flowing and moving. When it sits bad stuff grows. Nobody wants to drink stagnant water except mosquitos. Such is life. When it stops stirring I get too comfortable. Bad stuff grows in me; stuff like complacency. Lord, help me to love the change that you cause trusting that you are in the midst of it. You are sovereign. I cannot see the bigger picture so I need to trust the One who can.

How He Loves Us

His love for me extends far beyond my circumstances. I so quickly forget that any good thing I have is only a gift on loan from Him. How dare I feel a sense of entitlement to who or what He's placed in my life. The trouble is I do grip tightly to these gifts. Lord, help me to see that any good thing I receive from You is completely undeserved. You see further than I can. Help me to to suddenly see the afflictions in my life become eclipsed by your glory. Help me trust that you are not unfamiliar with my hurt but that you grieve with me. Help me to lean hard into you so I can receive that mercy and grace in my time of need.

This is Home

Yeah, this is home, now I'm finally where I belong
Yeah, this is home, I've been searching for a place of my own,
Now I found it, maybe this is home
Yes this is home

There is a part of me that just comes alive when I'm showing hospitality to loved ones in my own home. Whether it's fellowshipping over a meal I've prepared or playing a game, I have this God-given sense of fulfillment. I'm certain He's placed in me the gift and desire to be hospitable. I'm incredibly blessed to finally have the opportunity to express this gift. The series of events which led to being able to move out can only be attributed to Him too. He placed roommates before me, put me in a new position at work to help pay for my new bills, and even showered more blessing on me by increasing my housesitting jobs so I could buy furniture and decor! And now I have a place that is feeling more and more like "home" all the time. Few things make me happier than being able to create an environment where my loved ones can be fed and feel at home. I pray God continues to use this gift in me for His glory; that the love of Christ will be felt in a tangible way when someone enters my home.

Let the Creative Juices Flow!

I get paid to be creative. Trouble is, creativity can't just be turned on or off. I don't have a faucet for my imagination. There's a lot of waiting and thinking associated with creating. Then I think about God. THE Creator. His creativity is limitless. He made the entire world in 6 short days. Incredible, right? He is so much bigger than my little mind is able to fathom. Maybe today He'll let me dip my finger in His pool of creativity so I can get my projects done. : )

Suddenly Your Grace

I fell face first into God's grace today. Lately I've been thinking about who I can allow to take over some of my extra responsibilities that I can't give enough time to at work. Part of me doesn't want to give over control but a bigger part of me knows that I am incapable of doing everything AND doing it well. I'd just started to think through some names when, low and behold, God sends someone to ME offering to lift a load. It's as if He knows what I need... ;o) It will, of course, take extra time to train but am I ever grateful to my Jesus for lifting this load off my shoulders! Praise God!