LB IS ME

Not Very Smart

2011-03-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

I sometimes feel inadequate in my job- the graphics side of things. I'm not very "hip" (side note: why is hip such a an un-hip word!?) and try as I might I have a hard time keeping up with the latest and greatest social media out there. So I sometimes have to try pretty hard to find inspiration for projects. I really want to learn more about this world I know very little about so I was pumped today to discover this website, Church Marketing Sucks:"The site to frustrate, educate and motivate the church to communicate, with uncompromising clarity, the truth of Jesus Christ." I'm so excited. I feel inspired and equipped. I often struggle between the simplicity of the Gospel and the flashiness of our culture. I'm eager to learn more about utilizing media and marketing in such a way that the world looks at the message not the messenger. I look forward to digging into these articles and I'd encourage you to take a look too; especially if you're involved in ministry.

I Just Want to Fit In

2011-02-27T11:58:00.000-08:00

"Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel"
(Philippians 1:27)

I have it so easy. I work with an entire staff of believers, I grew up in a Bible believing home where we went to church every Sunday, and basically all my friends are believers. I live my life in the context of a comfortable bubble and it's not often I have to face the harder side of life.

Easy isn't good, though, is it? I read Acts and find no one there like me. I read about believers who daily entrust their lives to God as they share the gospel with those around them. Their lives are on the line day in and day out. Persecution is normal. Their passion is real nonetheless because they completely understand what they were saved from and what they're saved to. Today throughout most of the world persecution is normal still.

The idols of comfort and people's high regard are poisonous to my walk with Christ. I just want my life to fit in with those who understood what it means to live their lives worthy of the gospel of Christ. I want to seek out Christ, not comfort. I want to seek my Heavenly Father's praise, not that of men. I want these desires to work themselves out in my actions. I want the walk and the talk to be undeniably directed by the Holy Spirit.

God increase my view of you and my love for your Word. The outpouring of this will be a life that is worthy of your gospel.

A Sizable Resolution

2011-01-03T18:46:00.000-08:00

I'm a sucker for a full bookshelf. I have an insatiable urge to fill my shelves with hundreds of pages worth of novels and cookbooks. I think I want to give the impression that I read and cook much more than I do. Or maybe I'm just a hoarder. In any case, I hope to reverse the "pages owned" to "pages read (or cooked)" ratio this year. If I never buy another cookbook I think I'll probably have enough recipes to last me till my 30th birthday (unless of course I start a habit of cooking for groups of ten on a daily basis). Not to mention the eternally growing archive of recipe blogs and sites (available for free). Why should I ever repeat a recipe?

Here's to a year where I tell the neglected books on my shelf, "you're worth using!" instead of adding more unread pages to the collection. I guess I better get reading...

I Wanna Be a Toys"R"Us Kid!

2010-12-02T07:55:00.000-08:00

It seems as though my 25th year is going to be all about growing up. The kind of growing up from a young adult into a full fledged grown-up (do grown-ups refer to themselves as grown-ups?). The last three months of my 24th year have made this inclination pretty evident. It seems more rugs have been pulled out from under me than I can count on one hand. Each time my world is rocked but God is faithful and has also made it easier each time. With each branch that God prunes away, he reminds me where my foundation is supposed to be. "Are you trusting in this thing or person over here? Let me prune it away and show you how you can trust in me instead." It's getting to the point where it's just me and Jesus and I haven't many options besides standing firm on Him. I don't have many hands to help me stabilize. Yes, He may let me fall from time to time but I know it'll only make me stronger. That's what I keep telling myself. These growing pains are awfully tough sometimes. Thankfully, though, He isn't just my only option. He's my best option.

Temper, Temper

2010-09-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

What annoys you the most? What pet peeve cuts through your patience quicker than anything else? Drives you crazy just to recall it, doesn't it?

When it comes to these "buttons" of mine, I see just how short lived my patience is. My temper flares up and I'm sent into a sinful rant against my instigator. Last night I battled one of my biggest pet peeves. I was upset and annoyed and then the Holy Spirit cut through my impatience and reminded me of how patient He is. If my own habitual sin wasn't annoying enough, consider all of our sin playing over and over again on God's big screen T.V. He sees it constantly; it's relentless. Yet He is slow to anger and abounding in love! His love never fails. My God does not have a quick temper. He is long-suffering toward me. This reminds me of how great God is. He is bigger than pet peeves. He is far above being annoyed. I'm incapable of such patience but I'm amazed by my Lord who is capable of it and lavishes patient love upon me.

I'll Just Take the Presents, Thank You Very Much

2010-09-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17 ESV)

I'm really good at loving the gifts Gods gives me more than Him. Be it people, things, or circumstances, I too easily end up clinging to these gifts and worshipping them rather than the perfect Father of mine who's given them to me. I have terribly misplaced gratitude. Perhaps some of it stems from wanting to believe in what is seen rather than the Unseen. However flawed, I find myself more easily putting trust in the presence of people in my life because I can see them and experience them in very tangible ways.

God, you are every bit as real as these people in my life. Needless to say the relationship You offer is perfect and pure. You love me infinitely more deeply than any person (ever). Open my eyes to see You. Help me to see that just to have Your love is already exceedingly more than I deserve. When You give me gifts (however briefly) in my life, bend my heart further toward You! May gratitude overflow in my heart toward You, Jesus. Gratitude that is pure and honoring to You. Gratitude that marvels at Your great love which You lavish upon me. Help me to hold these gifts with open hands. Help me to trust Your judgement. Help me to lean upon Your unending faithfulness. Let my heart be satisfied not in the gifts You give but You alone.

This is Plan A

2010-08-31T09:14:00.000-07:00

Life often catches me by surprise. I'll be headed down what I think is a straight, clearly marked road and all of the sudden I'm blindsided. Life turns a sharp corner and I suddenly feel lost and directionless. It's during seasons like these that I cling to God's sovereignty. "This is the original plan. I'm not surprised by this," He tells me, "In fact, I knew it would be this way all along. Even from eternity past." That's when I can lean hard into Him; trusting Him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledge Him then He will make my path straight. There is immense comfort in that truth. God is here. He is involved. He is never caught by surprise. Praise You, Lord, for that truth! Thank you for letting peer into Your plan every once in a while so I can see how all of these "surprises" fit together to create a beautiful story.

This Isn't a Phase

2010-08-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Three and half years ago, God began charting an ever changing course for me by placing me in a paid ministry position. Two years ago He decided to up the excitement by putting me in full time ministry. My life has literally never been the same. Countless changes in policy, staffing, buildings, etc. have taken place in a very short period of time. Changes that have constantly pushed me and prodded me towards God. They have forced me to depend on Him, and when I forget I need Him, another change is right around the corner to remind me. Now this all coincided with a number of changes in my life socially and personally. I used to think this was just a 'season.' Eventually things settle down, right? Or this is just part of being a 20-something, right? My 30's will be much calmer. Or, it's because I do full time ministry- that's it!

Well, maybe. Full time ministry is, by nature, wrought with change. God moves pastors around as He wills. A church that desires to please God grows and changes, doesn't it? But I'm thinking this is life. This is the typical life of Laura Brown or ___________ (whoever you are). God is not about letting things stay the same. There isn't any growth in that.

Unfortunately for me, I am adverse to change. I really like things to stay the same; at least as far as relationships are concerned. I give a lot of my heart to the people I love so inevitably I hurt when God deems it necessary to use them elsewhere. But there is growth in it. There is growth and dependence on God. Jesus Christ. My Great High Priest who identifies with my weaknesses and promises mercy and grace in my time of need. I'm not sure change will ever be something I look forward to, but Lord let me see the good in it, if You would! Give me a clearer understanding of how You use change to increase my dependence upon You. It is my desire to increase my dependence upon You. This isn't the way I'd choose. I'd very much prefer to snap my fingers and simultaneously keep all my friends AND love You perfectly. That's not the way You work. Help me to submit to that.

Eternal Eyes

2010-08-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

I get into so much trouble when I forget to think with an eternal focus. The circumstances in my life become overwhelming and I can't see past today. But when I remember that this life is a breath (really, just one!), then I am able to see just a little bit of what God sees. I feel so trapped by time. This life feels so long; deceivingly so. Oh, that you would give me your eternal eyes, Jesus! If life is so short here, there is much to be done. Life can't sit still. A good friend recently compared the change in our lives to water. To keep the water good and enjoyable it must be constantly flowing and moving. When it sits bad stuff grows. Nobody wants to drink stagnant water except mosquitos. Such is life. When it stops stirring I get too comfortable. Bad stuff grows in me; stuff like complacency. Lord, help me to love the change that you cause trusting that you are in the midst of it. You are sovereign. I cannot see the bigger picture so I need to trust the One who can.

How He Loves Us

2010-08-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

His love for me extends far beyond my circumstances. I so quickly forget that any good thing I have is only a gift on loan from Him. How dare I feel a sense of entitlement to who or what He's placed in my life. The trouble is I do grip tightly to these gifts. Lord, help me to see that any good thing I receive from You is completely undeserved. You see further than I can. Help me to to suddenly see the afflictions in my life become eclipsed by your glory. Help me trust that you are not unfamiliar with my hurt but that you grieve with me. Help me to lean hard into you so I can receive that mercy and grace in my time of need.

This is Home

2010-08-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this is home, now I'm finally where I belong
Yeah, this is home, I've been searching for a place of my own,
Now I found it, maybe this is home
Yes this is home

There is a part of me that just comes alive when I'm showing hospitality to loved ones in my own home. Whether it's fellowshipping over a meal I've prepared or playing a game, I have this God-given sense of fulfillment. I'm certain He's placed in me the gift and desire to be hospitable. I'm incredibly blessed to finally have the opportunity to express this gift. The series of events which led to being able to move out can only be attributed to Him too. He placed roommates before me, put me in a new position at work to help pay for my new bills, and even showered more blessing on me by increasing my housesitting jobs so I could buy furniture and decor! And now I have a place that is feeling more and more like "home" all the time. Few things make me happier than being able to create an environment where my loved ones can be fed and feel at home. I pray God continues to use this gift in me for His glory; that the love of Christ will be felt in a tangible way when someone enters my home.

Let the Creative Juices Flow!

2010-08-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

I get paid to be creative. Trouble is, creativity can't just be turned on or off. I don't have a faucet for my imagination. There's a lot of waiting and thinking associated with creating. Then I think about God. THE Creator. His creativity is limitless. He made the entire world in 6 short days. Incredible, right? He is so much bigger than my little mind is able to fathom. Maybe today He'll let me dip my finger in His pool of creativity so I can get my projects done. : )

Suddenly Your Grace

2010-08-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

I fell face first into God's grace today. Lately I've been thinking about who I can allow to take over some of my extra responsibilities that I can't give enough time to at work. Part of me doesn't want to give over control but a bigger part of me knows that I am incapable of doing everything AND doing it well. I'd just started to think through some names when, low and behold, God sends someone to ME offering to lift a load. It's as if He knows what I need... ;o) It will, of course, take extra time to train but am I ever grateful to my Jesus for lifting this load off my shoulders! Praise God!

Mercy & Grace

2010-07-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

It's promised. "Come to me naked and bare before me and I will answer back with mercy and grace. I won't condemn you. I won't lash out in anger because you're my child," He says.

Opening up about the hard things is difficult for me. I tend to think I have a harder time of it than most; though I'm probably wrong. Rather than confront an issue or speak up when I'm upset, often times I will burry it and call it "letting it go."

But opening up about the hard things to the One who already knows them should be easy, right? Hardly.

In the confessing is the confrontation with reality. There's a a measure of denial that can take place when I never bring it up; even to God.

But. He knows.

The point isn't to clue Him in on my day like I would any other close friend. I don't bare my heart before Him because He can't read my signals.

I can't pretend to know why He desires us to open ourselves to Him. What I do know is the result.

The admission comes and immediately I'm drowning in His mercy. "I know. I still love you." I instantly feel as though I've been propelled into a deeper place with Him. A whole new level of intimacy. And I'm left wanting more and more of Him.

When the Clouds Roll Away

2010-02-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

As I drove to Starbucks this morning for my coffee date with the Lord, it was raining. It got me thinking about how much I love the rain. That week we had last month was wonderful. It rained all week long. Sometimes pretty hard rain- especially for Bakersfield. It wasn't so fun to drive in at night and it got in the way of a lot of people's plans for themselves. But once the rain stopped and the clouds rolled away, you could see the mountains with picture perfect clarity. It was the clearest and most beautiful sky I've seen in a very long time. I could see the mountains in all their glory with those beautiful white snowpeaks. What a glorious display of God's creation! I couldn't wait for the next heavy rain if it meant I'd get to see those mountains again!

Then I thought about how the rain is a lot like the hard times in my life. They make getting around a little more frustrating; sometimes dangerous. They get in the way of the plans I made for myself. But when the clouds of those trials roll away, I see God more clearly. I see how He used that trial, that rain, to wash away the impurities in me and mold me more into his image. Rather than marvel at His creation, I get to marvel at my Creator. Though I probably don't look forward to the next trial as much as I look forward to the next rain, I do know that on the other side of it will be a display of God's great glory. And like those mountains, He's been there the whole time.

Wait and See

2010-02-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

I feel like God's saying, "Wait. Have patience. It's not quite time to make a move. Just sit tight and trust me in the meantime." I'm sitting at this fork in the road, so ready to move on and make a choice but everything around me is saying wait. The time has not yet come. I guess it's times such as these when I'm supposed to learn contentment and trust in my God. I guess 2010 will be no different from 2009; full of change. :o)

there is hope for me yet because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me I have to wait and see He's not finished with me yet...

The Word of Promise New Testament

2010-02-02T10:04:00.000-08:00

Recently I discovered Book Sneeze. This website allows bloggers to receive complimentary copies of Thomas Nelson books in exchange for reading them and posting a review. I recently received The Word of Promise New Testament. This is an audio version of the New Testament in an audio drama style featuring the voices of actors such as Jim Caviezel as Jesus. It uses the New King James version. When I discovered this product, I jumped at the opportunity but I was honestly skeptical about it being NKJ version. To my surprise and pleasure, I found the wording to be simple and easy to follow. This drama style has truly brought God’s Word to life in a new and exciting way for me. Conversations carry tone and feeling. Events are enhanced with sound effects. I even found myself getting emotional as I heard the story of Stephen’s stoning in Acts. It’s truly the next best thing to watching a movie of the events; perhaps better because it’s a word for word retelling of scripture. This audio format makes it so easy to listen while I drive. I would absolutely recommend this to anyone.

Perfect Praise

2010-01-09T11:42:00.001-08:00

This mind of mine

It was meant to think on You

To dwell on the things of You, my Jesus

But it's divided and distracted

Wondering what they'd say or do

This heart of mine

was created to give to You

Complete, unadulterated love in action

But it strays and forgets

Running away into empty arms

These lips of mine

They were formed to shout your praises

To sing worship to my audience of one

But they cut and tear down

Raise the volume and steal Your glory

This Heaven of Yours

Is where I was made to dwell

To give You an undivided mind

Offer the pure love of my heart

And from my lips pour out perfect praise.

Two Websites That Might Change Your Life

2010-01-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

They've helped me a ton, anyway.

The Daily Plate

A couple years ago I was listening to the radio morning show and someone called in with a tip about this website that helps you track how you're eating and working out. He said it had already helped him lose some weight. I made a note of it and joined the website later that day. I've wavered in and out of my commitment to the website over the years but it's usefulness has never faded. Within the last year or so, The Daily Plate teamed up with Lance Armstrong's organization Livestrong and the site now finds its home at livestrong.com. They actually just released a beta update and it's awesome! There is a pretty good database of foods and physical activities which allows you to track your caloric intake every day. You can also track your weight, a limited amount of body measurements, and you can set weight loss/gain goals. The beauty of it is pretty much the entire site is free to join (you can become a gold member with a few extra perks; $45/year) and it's web based which means you can track your calories at home, at work, or on your iPhone (there's an app for that).

Wesabe

After a couple years of not so successfully using excel spreadsheets to track my spending, I'd been tirelessly searching for a personal finance tool that would allow me to track my spending and create a budget. Pretty much any downloadable software you can get for free is worthless and it's hard to know if they're any good without paying 30 bucks or so for them. And call me crazy, but I don't want to pay for a tool to help me save money! One day it dawned on me. A downloadable software program means I can only update it when I'm on my personal computer. What if I could find a free web based site that was secure and had all the features I required? What if tracking my personal finance was as easy as the Daily Plate made tracking my eating? So a new search had begun. I googled like mad. Almost everything costs money out there. There were many websites that came close but either were no longer accepting members or didn't support my bank; Kern Schools (mint.com; I'd still recommend this site for those of you with Bank of America or other big banks). Then I stumbled upon Wesabe. Although not seamless, there is a way for it to securely download my account information from Kern Schools through Firefox. Tags make it easy to show where my money is coming from and going to. One of my favorite features is that I can add a cash account to manually keep track of. This is a huge help to me as I withdraw cash each month as a sort of "allowance." Now I can keep track of it too. For the first time in my life I really feel like I know where my money is going. With that knowledge I can make much more educated saving and spending choices. AND it's got an iPhone app!

That's my commercial. It's not the most fun thing in the world to keep on top of your eating or your personal finance but with easy, web-based, and intuitive tools such as these, you just might actually do it!

Time In Between (Francesca Battestelli)

2010-01-02T18:41:00.000-08:00

You were there when Your Father said, "Let there be light!" You obeyed when He whispered, "Son You have to leave tonight to spend nine months in a mothers womb; three days in a borrowed tomb."
But it's the time in between that brings me to my knees knowing You came for me and all that I can't be; I'm amazed; so amazed. And I thank You for the time in between.
Don't take much for this crazy world to rob me of my peace and the enemy of my soul says You're holding out on me. So I stand here lifting empty hands for you to fill me up again.

But it's the time in between that I fall down to my knees waiting on what You'll bring and the things that I can't see. I know my song's incomplete still I'll sing in the time in between.

So many ways Your love has saved the day and I'm grateful for them all.

But it's the time in between the middle of two thieves that says everything! It's the reason I believe; I'm amazed; so amazed. And I thank You for the time in between. Oh Lord, I thank You for the time in between.

2009: Change

2009-12-29T21:49:00.000-08:00

Change. That's it. Six little letters which have defined the last 365 days of my life. I don't know whether to blame it on my age, my job, or my God. A girl in her early twenties is bound to experience her fair share of change, right? But then again, full-time ministry is all about change. A church body, after all, is a living breathing entity. And yet, my God is after so much more than my comfort. He isn't about to leave things the same; especially if my growth and His glory are at stake. Here's how it went down:

The end of January I began taking guitar lessons from Dan Bingham. I'm still going! I probably could be further along, but even so I've come really far. I started out using my mom's classical but quickly switched to my brother's acoustic. I'm very grateful for the available guitars to borrow but look forward to finally purchasing one of my own soon!

I spent Valentine's Day with some single friends of mine. We enjoyed a home cooked meal and watched "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" What fun!

In March, we said goodbye to the Acres. Jason spent a couple months overseeing the Stream and was set to take the position of young adults pastor but God had other plans. Jason accepted a job offer back in Elgin, IL. It was difficult to say goodbye, but I have hopes of visiting come 2010.

In March we also met the men who would become our young adults and high school pastors. Matt Vorhees and Martyn Gross.

April was the month of weddings. Paul and Jill got married April 4th and Rob married Beth a week later on April 11th. Add Easter the day after that and you've got one crazy week! It was such a blast and I had great fun celebrating with all my friends.

The pastoral staff plus a few other leaders went to the Catalyst Conference at the end of April. The conference wasn't anything I expected but it was a great learning experience. It was great getting to know our new pastors Ken Alvis and Martyn Gross as well as all the other pastoral staff.

Matt started as young adults pastor in May and my little brother graduated from high school! To celebrate, our family went on a spur of the moment trip to Disneyland and California Adventure.

In June, my high school friend, Megan got married to John. It was so exciting to share that day with her, having been friends since we were sophomores. The ladies of the Stream went through Crazy Love during the summer. It was a really special time. Every week seemed to peel back the layers as each of us took turns opening up.

(c)Kandid Camera Photography

July brought the Stream gals weekend getaway to Pismo beach. Such fun! It was a very special time with some great vulnerable moments. The end of July meant Spirit West Coast. Several of us from the Stream volunteered for Hope Christian Store in exchange for lodging, food, and entry to the festival. It's not a vacation; but the payoff is probably a lot more fun than a paycheck. I got to see David Crowder Band, Matthew West, Toby Mac, and (my personal highlight) Family Force 5!!!! It was the second time I'd seen FF5 and it was a BLAST!

In September, it was time for another wedding celebration. This time for Chris and Kate. It was a such a beautiful wedding. I had a lot of fun hanging out with two sets of Downses, the Binghams, and the Leveys.

In October, my schedule began to snowball quite a bit. Things were getting crazy but not too bad to have a little fun. Several of us went to see David Crowder play in LA. It was an incredible show. As a beginning musician I just wanted to be able to be front row and stare at them play. Their musicianship amazed me. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I just soaked in the beautiful sound they made with those instruments (and computers!). It was such a worshipful time for me as I contemplated how much more creative my God can be! I also had the wonderful opportunity to attend the 2009 Women's Retreat with RiverLakes. It was an incredible weekend. I arrived with zero expectations and left deeper in love with my Jesus. He really met me there and we did some business that was long overdue.

November continued to remain pretty crazy for me in my schedule. Between work, guitar lessons, accountability group, missional community group, and all the other random stuff, it was kind of crazy. But, believe it or not, December slowed things down. The Stream tweaked things a bit. We changed how we approached missional communities and we decided to move our gathering to Saturday nights (coming in 2010!). Between that and taking a much needed break from RiverLakes Women Bible Study, my schedule is much more manageable. I feel I have breathing room. I'm very much looking forward to next year and where we're headed now. Very quickly it was the holiday season. It was a pretty low key Thanksgiving and Christmas but it was good, nonetheless.

I was blessed to have a lot of housesitting jobs this year which allowed me to pay off my civic a few weeks ago! I'm thrilled not to have a car payment anymore and I'm already looking ahead to start saving for a new guitar of my own. 2009 was a good one; hello 2010!

My Life Soundtrack

2009-05-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've experienced that moment where a song comes on the radio or is played in a worship music set that speaks to your soul in such a tangible way that you know God orchestrated it. I've experienced that a few times the last couple weeks. These songs play as part of my life's soundtrack lately:

"Desert Song" by Hillsong United

"Fill Me Up" by United Pursuit Band

"Wait and See" by Brandon Heath

The other day I left work discouraged. It was a selfish kind of discouragement because the happy news someone else had to share highlighted an area of my life which is lacking. I suppose all of it wasn't self pity but a lot of it was. Anyway as I got into my car to leave, the chorus from "wait and see" was playing on the radio.

There is hope, for me yet,

because God won’t forget,

all the plans he’s made for me.

I have to wait and see,

he’s not finished with me yet,

he’s not finished with me yet.

It was among the most tangible ways God has ever met me before. It was as if He were wrapping his arms around me in consolation and whispering those words into my ear. "I'm not done with you yet, child. It seems slow but I know what I'm doing. Trust me. I haven't forgotten You." It was incredible.

in good company

2009-01-31T10:41:00.000-08:00

Fortune 500 posted their list of the top 100 companies to work for. I'm proud to have my "alma mater," Build A Bear Workshop rank on the list at #94! I never had anything bad to say about the company while I worked there for nearly two years in 2006 and 2007. It was such a special time in my life while I worked there from the very beginning of the store's opening. I got to experience grand opening and all the firsts that followed.

The insanity of Christmas time, the slow days when school went back in session, and all the great benefits that the company showered upon us employees. We could never say we were unappreciated. It was a pretty sweet gig and a great season in my life.

I'll never have another job interview like the one I had for that job. We were in the middle of the mall and we had to play some of the games that we play during parties. We had to show our love for kids and our enthusiasm. You definitely have to have a certain "something" in order to work at this place. It's possible to be the best salesman and yet be wrong for this job. Congrats Build A Bear!!!

creative itch

2009-01-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

This is why I'm itching to learn a couple new instruments!

Back in grade school I took piano lessons and the last couple years or so I've been wanting to get back into it. I just haven't had the resources available. I've tried several times to use my old theory books to reteach myself to no avail. Come February, I hope to be on my way to playing again! I even have aspirations of learning guitar- which hasn't really been a desire of mine in the past. This all might fade like other attempts....we'll see where I'm at in March...

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop

2009-01-06T10:37:00.001-08:00

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

2008

2008-12-31T18:53:00.000-08:00

There are only a few short hours until 2008 is over and a new year arrives. I can't help but use this time to reflect back on what I've been through and also look ahead to new memories that will be made and new goals I hope to achieve.

January of '08 marked a very important event in my life. I attended my first Passion Conference at the Nokia theater in L.A. This was life changing and something I will not soon forget (I now look ahead to January 2010 when the next conference is happening in Atlanta!!).

The six months between January and June were filled with questions for me. As I was finishing my degree I was plagued with the wonderings of my future. Do I pursue a teaching credential? Do I even want to teach? I don't want to leave my job at the church! What do I do if I don't teach? Then a sequence of events took place which changed everything.

My world was shaken a little bit when there was a shifting of positions at the church. Jared accepted the job as full time music pastor which meant he'd need a replacement at the Stream. This was a difficult change for me to cope with at first but God really used it to teach me some things about myself and about my relationship with Him. This new position for Jared opened the door for me to have a full time position at the church. I could continue 10 hours for the Stream while adding 20 more hours for the music ministry making me a full-fledged 40 hr/week ministry assistant. This opportunity arose just as I was realizing that I really did not want to be a teacher. Timing worked out perfectly for me to put my credential on hold should I ever want to pick it up again and finish it. Had I gone back to school in the fall I could not have accepted the full time position at church (and remained sane). And if I had completed my credential and then not gone into the classroom, it would have expired. So what was difficult and hard to understand became something really great for me!

In May I purchased my first car (with a little help from the grandparents)....and am well on my way to paying it off thanks to living at home rent free. "Little Blue" is a 2007 Honda Civic LX and I couldn't be more pleased with it!

June was eventful for me as I graduated from CSUB with a Bachelors degree in Liberal Studies and went to work at the church full time the following Monday. Working full time was interesting to get used to. First getting used to being there all day rather than for a few hours at a time. But then (and still) learning how to best use my free time when I get home from work at 5:30. Without papers to write or books to read my evenings quickly became a bit lazier than I would like. Although it's been nice to have my time as my own- no professors telling me what to do at night or when to turn something in- I find the opposite end of the spectrum to be quite....boring. So it's my hope that 2009 will see better use of those evenings. Time spent on dates with my God or reading a good book. Something.....productive!

I celebrated Independence Day the best way with none other than the Boasting Weak and Sanctus Real in concert. Jared and Mary Beth finally released their debut project and I had the joy of acting as their "PR girl" and also running their merch table at the Red, White, and Boom show.

It's been a fun year seeing them play at various venues including Spirit West Coast Monterey! I volunteered for Hope Christian Bookstore with Lindsay Speece and Laurel Gholz. The three of us (and other volunteers) helped man the store at the festival while Jared and MB played several sets in the store throughout the day. It was fun to get back into my retail mode while my own "private concert" was performing!

August marked my trip to Swaziland, Africa. This was a very special trip. I made some friends there whom I will never forget. I really would love to go back sometime and work with the younger children at the Care Points. We mainly worked on a retreat reinforcing sexual abstinance for about 200 high school aged Swazi girls.

The beginning of November was busy as many of the staff were away to Israel- which I was just a hair bitter about ;o). It also was also when I finally made my much awaited trip to Nashville, Tennessee. Erin Landis, Heather Easter, and I visited Courtney Meadors in Nashville for three and a half days. The trip was short but we packed it full of everything from riding the General Jackson along Nashville's river to checking out the nightlife downtown. I had an amazing time and I'm already planning my next trip in 2009!

I turned 23 in December and finished up my first semester as a Community Group Leader for the Stream. This was quite challenging. I'm so thankful for Kelli as my co-leader. It's been exciting to see how we complement each other and fill in spaces for one another. You know you've got a good friend when she can complete the thought you just can't get out....

And so there are the highlights of 2008. There were definitely ups and downs. Relationships formed and ended. People came in and out of my life. I hope December 2009 sees a more mature Laura Brown who has read her Bible consistently all year and, as a result, grown closer to her Lord. I hope the person I become is more humble, less selfish, and more productive......more others-centered and less self-centered. If you got this far, congratulations, by now you know me a little better! ;o)

on the doctrine of election...

2008-12-30T09:45:00.000-08:00

What would my fate be if God had not decided to choose me? (Hell, of course...) It has nothing to do with me! What is my right response to this gift? What do I do with what I know- with this gracious offering from the Lord?? Why do I keep it to myself- how selfish can I possibly be?!

I mistakenly take pride in the fact that I believe in Him as if I had the power to be saved on my own and it's because of some superiority on my part. That is simply not true. There is nothing special about me because God chose me. I'm not worth more. I'm not smarter. I'm not better or more alive or less sinful. It's grace. "Grace, grace. God's grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within..."

He didn't have to give it to me.

How ungrateful am I for my Savior and Creator!

I ought to be on my knees daily, overflowing with gratitude towards the One who gave up a place and title He actually deserves to give me a gift I could never earn. He loves me that much. While I was still His enemy, Jesus loved me more than I'll ever understand. My love is selective and self-serving. I often love only when I'll get something back for my effort. Jesus loves me more than this. And I take it for granted every day.

He didn't have to give it to me. But He chose to. Now I must be a good steward of that gift.

tools for further study of God's Word!

2008-12-30T09:40:00.000-08:00

I got onto the "between two worlds" blog today to find something I'm very excited about. They now have their theological courses available on itunes on their podcast! Just click over to their site to see what it's all about! I also discovered the ESV Study Bible itunes podcast. Now I can listen to my daily reading of God's word. I'm eager to set up my new ipod with this podcast and listen to the Word of God on my daily commute! What an awesome discovery! I'm excited!

"what matters is that we spend ourselves"

2008-12-11T09:06:00.001-08:00

reflections on chapter seven of Crazy Love by Francis Chan

I'm encouraged and convicted by this chapter. It pleases my heart and gives me joy to think that I am doing these very things right now- giving. Without boasting, I can say I'm obeying this command. But then if I ask what I'm sacrificing to give, I don't have an answer. Sure I'm sacrificing a few temporary pleasures here and there. This money over here is mine to use on myself and would likely end up going towards clothing or electronics that don't need. But there's this woman over here who has no clothing to her name except what's on her back. I could take these funds and buy one more shirt to add to the twenty already in my closet. Or I could buy a shirt to add to this woman's two others. Which is more important?
And yet, that's not asking very much of myself. Especially considering that those are all extranious funds! We're not even talking about what I need to pay the bills month to month. God has certainly given me a lot of resources at this stage of life. And it's not about a comparison of what I have versus what my friends have. As Francis says, what matters is that I spend myself. I need to take what He's given me and give it away- as though there is a life better than this one ahead of me. That means giving beyond the surprise funds that come it. It means giving until I have to trust God to provide what I need to pay the few bills I have right now... I mean, really? Car payment, cell phone, and insurance? That's all?
And yet, Lord, I struggle because I am in debt with my car. And I live a long way from where I work and spend the majority of my life. I've complained to more than one person about my 20 minute commute (one way). But excuses will always be there, I realize. Something will always be fighting for my affections- this earth is not going to see me satisfied unless I live how I was created. Aiming for comfortable is a slippery slope into discontent, pride, and selfishness. Aiming for the love of the Father is all that will bring me satisfaction and fulfillment. Why is comfortable so appealing? I know the answer. It's in me. Until this disease of sin is cured upon my death and entrance into Heaven, I will be cursed to battle against my fleshly desires. I want to want You. I know I need too need You. God, I desire to desire You. But it won't come with my own efforts. Just as You restored me to my salvation, you must restore me to a passionate love for You. One that seeks You daily and loves your Word- loves it so much that any other book is far less valuable. Give me a longing for you, Lord.

swaziland report

2008-09-15T15:24:00.001-07:00

Here's the video I shared with the Stream last night about my August trip to Swaziland. It's a good and condensed explanation of the trip and what God taught me:

Swaziland